The pull

May 5, 2010 at 1:39 am (dating) (, , , , , , , , )

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The crush left a month ago for his mini vacation and work. When he left I knew it was good for me. I was going to focus on other things and get him out of my head for a bit. I didn’t contact him at all until after a week of being gone he sent me a message saying he so wishes he was home. Since then we have been emailing and texting when he has time. Since I will be gone when he gets back, we made plans to see each other the day after I get back. He wanted to see me the night I get back but I get back to late. We have been emailing about random things and today he said something in an email that threw me, “I miss you”.

The reason it threw me was because I was seeing M today. It has been nice because M and I have been seeing each other every couple of weeks. The last time I saw him I wasn’t sure I would see him again before I left but it worked out that I did. We met up to do an early  Cinco de Mayo celebration (our favorite holiday), of margaritas and fajitas. We caught up on the last couple of weeks and he told me that he is leaving within in the week for location for the summer.  I am used to it as this has been the norm since we met over four years ago. Not sure why this year it is harder. Maybe it is because we have been seeing each other more often.

Or it could be the fact that the crush threw me that curve ball.

After M and I finished our lunch we went next door to get to get intimate with each other. When we started kissing and  getting intimate, which was amazing as usual, that scene from Sex and The City popped into my head. (The one where Carrie is having flashbacks of her first night of her affair with Big. I was Carrie and M was Big.)  After several minutes of amazing sex, we took a break by taking a nap. I was able to sleep for a bit but those words from the crush creeped their way back into my head, “I miss you” and I couldn’t get rid of it. Then M started taking advantage of my body again but those words were still in my head as hard as I tried to forget them. When M and I were both finished we laid there for a bit. I could tell something was on his mind but he said everything was fine. I felt like he could read my mind. I kept kissing his body and then he said he had to go because he had to take care of some last minute work things. I didn’t want him to leave because I knew it would be the last time for two months. I made sure I kissed and hugged him a lot before he left. He told me he would call me when he gets back at the end of the summer when his job here starts up again.

We kissed goodbye one last time and we both were off. On my drive home I had the worst feeling in my stomach, in fact it is still there as I write this. I know I am not cheating on the crush because we haven’t even had the discussion about being something more than friends, but the words, “I miss you”, makes me think it will happen once I get back.

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