Just Friends

October 18, 2011 at 11:02 am (dating) (, , , , , )

This post is a hard one for me.  I am still processing things but as all writers know it is good to write out your thoughts. Friday JS and I planned to go out and see a movie. I had been checking to see what the seat situation was looking like to see if we should wait to buy tickets or get them online. He said we should wait. My first thought was either he was going to cancel last-minute or he wanted to pay for them.

Then an hour later he sent me a message saying he wasn’t up for “benefits” anymore but would like to continue spending time together. He said he just hasn’t been feeling it lately and thought it would pass but it hasn’t. He also left it up to me whether or not I still wanted to go out that night. He said he still wanted to.

I decided I still wanted to go out and see him. I figured I would have a few hours to let out a few tears and make myself presentable. I did ask him if it was something I did or didn’t do, it was me personally, or someone or something else. I had already felt a little self-conscious lately so you can understand my reasoning of asking him that.  He said there wasn’t much else to say other than if we continued with that part we would just be going through the motions.

In all honesty, I could tell something has been up lately. The last time he came over, there wasn’t much touching at all, though we did watch a pretty long movie. Another time he left after he dropped me off. I could tell something was up which is why at one point in the last month I did ask him if there was something he likes that I am not doing yet. I never did get an answer to that question.

We did go out Friday night and it was such a fun night. We talked about so much including things from our own high school and college days. It was things we hadn’t shared with each other yet and I learned even more about him. It was almost like we were meeting for the first time again. And while I offered to pay for things he didn’t let me. Then he drove me home, we hugged, exchanged a couple of quick kisses, said goodbye for the night and he drove off. He looked really good so it was hard for me not to hug or kiss him longer but I restrained myself.

I sent him a message later saying I know I have been through some ups and downs since we met and I appreciate him being there for me and maybe we could go see a certain movie when it comes out. He responded by saying he is glad he has helped and was looking forward to the movie.

He is away visiting his family and friends for a week. I think it is a good thing for me right now since we don’t really send messages to each other when one of us is gone and I am still trying to understand it.

It is hard for me right now because the thought of him finding benefits with someone else keeps creeping in my head and that is what sucks the most. I don’t even know if he has found someone else or is searching but I can’t get that thought out of my head.  I didn’t really even think about that when we still had “benefits”, but now that thought won’t leave.

It took talking with a few friends after I got that first message from him to realize that he could have been a jerk about it all and told me he doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore or just disappear. Both of happened to me in the past.

Instead he said he wants to continue spending time with me and enjoys it. He still wants to be a part of my life. And I would rather has him as a friend than not in my life at all.

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7 Comments

  1. renxkyoko said,

    I think he’s a nice guy. As you said, he could have been a jerk and just let you go and disappear… I think he had been courteous to let you have the first go at it, that is, letting go. He had given you enough polite hints, it’s up to you to act on them.

    Greetings from California.

    • ljmaggie said,

      @Renxkyoko-Yes he is a nice guy, which makes it a little harder, because he is a great guy and we have such a great time together. That is reason I want to continue being friends with him. Those signs of him not doing much of anything while we were together the last few weeks, I think was him just trying to figure it out and now looking back I can see that. I knew in the back of my mind something was up, but didn’t know how to bring it up to him. That was the reason I had asked him that question, “Is there anything I’m not doing..”.

      Where in California are you?

      • renxkyoko said,

        Northern California, 1 1/2 from San Francisco, 50 min. from napa Valley.

  2. abichica said,

    wooowww!! i imagine its tough having to deal with something like this, you probably will have to work hard at trying to not go back to touching him, or kissing him every time you guys are hanging out.

    • ljmaggie said,

      @Abichica- Thank you. Yes it might be hard but I think I am strong enough to do it.

  3. kathyjam23 said,

    i think he was nice to explain what he was feeling….most guys wouldn’t….your lucky to have him as a friend…even without the benefits….i do have a question for you…if you guys were just friends with benefits, have you ever talked about being exclusive or was it something that you just assumed?

    • ljmaggie said,

      We never talked about being exclusive nor was it anything I assumed. Things from the time we met went very slow. There is an earlier post of mine where I talk about the conversation him and I had back in March of this year.

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