The Struggles and Making New Goals

October 20, 2011 at 8:05 pm (dating, life) (, , , , , , )

I wasn’t sure if I should write this post but figured many women could relate to what I am feeling and going through. Maybe even some men can relate.

In February, I will be celebrating a big birthday. It is not 30 or 40 but somewhere in between.  My friends and even complete strangers tell me I look young, and I still  get carded sometimes. JS and M both love that when we are out and I get carded. They love the fact that they are in their 40s and someone thinks they are out with a 20-something girl.

A few months before my birthday I usually start looking back on the year before and see what I have accomplished or what has happened. This past year has been difficult. I went into a sort of depression which I didn’t want to admit to but a doctor had asked me once “How long have you been depressed?”. It threw me off because I didn’t think I was but I was denying it. My business was suffering because of it. I had lost clients, one of them I was happy to lose, the others was were sad to lose. I had even considered moving back home.

Then I met JS and things started looking up. I also got a part time job in my building but was still struggling financially. Things have been very tight for me and I go without a lot of extras like many people are experiencing in America right now. The struggle to find a full-time or additional part-time job was getting to be so much, that I was calling mom crying a lot. And with my car dying this past March and having to rely on public transportation wasn’t making things easier.

Now it is October and I am no closer to a car. My part-time job just started me at full time and I got a dollar raise. It still isn’t a lot but will help me get caught up. I am also doing some writing on the side. It has been an extremely tough week for me especially since the stuff with JS just happening. I also have spent two days this week going to the doctor to find otu what is wrong with my arm.

The mixed emotions of this week especially has made it especially hard to think about my upcoming birthday Just trying to stay focused on school, work and the getting things ready for the upcoming NaNo.

Been listening to this song a lot lately.

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