First Night In

November 16, 2011 at 12:45 pm (dating) (, , , , )

JS and I never did meet for coffee because he ended up being busier at work than he thought he would, so we made plans for the following night.

The plan was for him to pick up food then come to my house and we would watch a movie. This would be our first night in since we had the “no more benefits” talk. I was a little nervous as how things would go. Would it be awkward? Would there big a weird hug when he came over? How late would he stay? Would there be an accidental touch?

He let me know when he got to my place and that he was in the building. I asked him if he remembered where my unit was because I was having a moment of writing inspiration. Soon there was a knock at my door and a jiggling of the door handle. I had forgotten to unlock the door. I let him in and said, “Sorry inspiration struck. And I figured you would understand”. And of course he did. As I finished writing what was trapped in my brain he was looking at some flyers I had picked up for him at a recent book fair I was at. When I was done I walked over to him and there was no hello hug like we used to when he would come over. Instead he started taking the food out of the bag and adding alcohol into our shakes.

We sat on the couch, ate and talked. Again the conversation was easy and he was sharing more about himself. We were busy catching up on things and occasionally looking to the tv to watch the promos for new movies coming out. As we watched them we discussed which ones looked better.

I put in a DVD and we sat on the couch just watching and laughing. I made sure I didn’t get to close to him. Not that I didn’t want to because again he looked really good. I did grab a blanket at one point and shared it with him. We still didn’t get too close.

After the DVD was over he got up, went to the bathroom and said he should go. I looked at my phone and it had only been a few hours but honestly I was tired and had to be up early the next day.  I walked him out to his car and asked him what he meant by that message he had sent me a week earlier. (“I still find you just as attractive as always, just doesn’t feel right any longer to go for it. If you know what I mean, if not we can talk about it next week”.). His response, “You were being awkward”. I told him I wasn’t trying to be but he stuck to his response.

When we got to his car, we hugged an extra big hug again. I told him to let me know when he got home. He did and we sent messages back and forth for a bit more.

The first night in since the “talk” wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be, though there were a couple of moments as we were sitting on the couch.

Even though it was a good night, there are still a million different thoughts running through my head as to why things have changed. All of which continue to confuse me.


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