No I Don’t Want to be Your Mistress

December 15, 2011 at 9:55 am (dating) (, , , , , , )

The final paper for my class has turned out to be a little tougher than I originally thought it would be. So I took another break last night to check my Plenty of Fish messages. There were a few from a couple of guys I had already been exchanging messages with. Then there was a new one, from a 43-year-old guy with no picture on his profile. I didn’t think this was a red flag, so I read the message from him. He started by giving me a physical description of himself, where he lives, what he does for a living and then says, “Married but no sex life (:”. The rest of the message is telling me he likes curvey (that is how he spelled it) girls and thinks I look hot in one of my pictures.

I then was curious what his profile said. The longest relationship he has been in was over 5 years, well obviously he is married. He lists his marital status as single and he has children. He also says that he wants to make a million dollars a year, loves to spoil people and loves giving massages. His physical description on his profile says he is caucasian but in the email he sent me he said he is mediterranean looking. I am open to dating other races but don’t lie about what you are. Be proud of who you are.

His profile is filled with lies. So I confronted him about it. I sent him a message saying I was confused because in his email he told me he is married but his profile says he is single and looking for a relationship. I also told him it sounds like he is just looking for fling.

His response, “I want to get to know somebody sexy, I am married and looking for somebody exciting”.

I sent him a message saying I think he is on the wrong site if he is looking for someone on the side. I also told him I am not interested in being someone’s mistress. I wished him luck in his search.

This guy really needs to be on Ashley Madison if he is looking for an affair. Doesn’t he realize he probably won’t find what he is looking for on a dating site. Who knows maybe he will find someone on POF that will indulge him. I won’t be that person.

The other OMG moment on POF is when I saw my psycho ex as someone they recommend I chat with. I looked at his profile to see if he was still trying to lure women in by telling them he is a doctor. He doesn’t come right out and say it but as his profession he lists, Business/Medical. Oh I am sure he is still telling girls he was an OB/GYN.

Back to studying for my final tonight!

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Your Attempt at Flattery Didn’t Work

December 13, 2011 at 9:50 am (dating) (, , , , )

I have been deep into doing my final paper and studying for my final. I decided to take a break and check out my Plenty of Fish action. I emailed a couple of good-looking guys and one of them, a 29-year-old sent me a chat request. Normally I don’t like younger guys but I am being more open to it. Well this guy just turned me off from any younger guy.

After saying hi he asked what I like. When I asked him to clarify he asked if I like to make out. SERIOUSLY?? He didn’t even try to have any small talk with me, it was right away to the make out. I told him it seems like he is looking for just a hookup. He said, “I am looking for a best friend with benefit”. Sorry buddy but yes you are looking for a fuck buddy. Then I told him I am over friends with benefits. Then he said and I quote, “You haven’t had one like me. And I like older friends with benefits”.

Two things wrong with what he said. How does he know I haven’t had one like him? And I do I know he would even be worth my time? I am guessing if he has to tell me that he is really good, he probably isn’t. My psycho ex told me the same thing. And he wasn’t that great. (Why did I stay with him so long?) His next mistake was saying he likes older friends with benefits. Yes he is younger by six years but him saying that just didn’t sit right with me. He didn’t just say it once, he said it three times. I get it you like older women but when I say I am over having just friends with benefits, you aren’t making things better by reminding me that I am older. His attempt to tell me he likes older women didn’t work as he had planned.

Then when I closed the chat window he requested to chat with me again. I denied his request. He obviously didn’t catch on that I wasn’t going to be his ‘best friend with benefits’.

And people wonder why I am over dating.

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Don’t Cancel on Me…

December 4, 2011 at 10:42 pm (dating) (, , , , )

…unless you have a very, very good reason. After JS and I had the talk in March and he told me he thought of us as friends with benefits, he tried to cancel on me twice. One time he told me he got a text about a birthday party he ought to go to and wanted to know if we could go out the day before we had planned.  He told me this two days before we were to go out. I told him I had plans, which I did. He ended up keeping the plans with me and not going to the birthday party. The second time, he told me he had been sick all day and was going to go home and rest. He texted me this at the time he was to be leaving work and heading to my place to pick me up. The worst part was we had been texting three hours prior to that and he never said anything about being sick.

Then there is today. We had originally planned to go to an event on Saturday. It was all planned and then Friday afternoon I got an email from the event planners saying they had to postpone the event until sometime next year, due to weather and power outages. There was no getting around it. I let JS know and suggested we do something else during that time. I threw out some suggestions and he said he should go into work but suggested we do one of my suggestions, bowling, on Sunday afternoon. He said he would come pick me up. I was looking forward to Sunday afternoon because not only has it been a while since we have done something on a Sunday but also because we haven’t been bowling since the second week of knowing each other. I got everything I needed to get done and was relaxing while watching football until I had to get ready. Two hours before he was to pick me up he texted me saying he got a text reminding him he had made prior plans to visit friends, apologized for being flaky and suggested going on Wednesday night.

My response, “I don’t know, I was looking forward to today and didn’t make any other plans.” Then I told him I couldn’t go that night because I have a long day the following day. Then he suggested tomorrow night or Tuesday night. I told him I didn’t know and would let him know later. He said, “K”.  Still pissed I told him I couldn’t on Monday night and not sure about Tuesday night. (And yes I really do have plans Monday night.) Then I told him, “Just sucks because you suggested Sunday”. No response.

I am not really shocked there is no response from him. He doesn’t like the confrontation or arguing. The major confrontation we had was back in March and that really wasn’t much. It just turned into having the conversation. I never really said anything about the last time he canceled last-minute mostly because he was sick. This time I felt I needed to. I needed to because I wanted him to know it wasn’t cool to cancel last-minute but also because he is the one that suggested the day and now he is telling me he forgot he had other plans. Why didn’t he look at his calendar to make sure before suggesting the day? When our Saturday plans got canceled, I suggested Friday night or Sunday. He is the one that said Sunday and even picked the time. It wasn’t me. And honestly as of right now I don’t even feel like telling him Tuesday will be okay.

Was I wrong to say something?

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Invisible

November 29, 2011 at 9:31 pm (dating, life) (, , , , )

I have contemplated writing this post for a couple of months. The main reason for the hesitation is because it might upset some people. If you ask anyone that knows me, I am not a person that likes to upset others. But there is this feeling that hasn’t been going away and I have a feeling there are others who have felt the same way at some point.

It is the invisible feeling. That feeling you get when your friends get either a new job or new love interest. All of a sudden that friend doesn’t have as much time for you as they did before. You don’t say anything to your friend because you are happy for them. But then you start to feel like the friend who is just kept around when there is nothing else to do. I have confronted a friend about this in the past. When I told her she said, “I didn’t realize it and I’m so sorry”, and she was. We did hang out once after that. Since then she has been working full-time, going to school full-time and caring for her mother. We do still talk when we can.

Still there are other friends that might not realize that you feel this way and you don’t say anything because you don’t want to upset them. And you are truly happy for their new situation. When they do talk to you, they do listen and if there is a problem you are having they try to be there for you, but it just upsets you more. Mostly because you think they don’t truly understand what you are going through even though they say they do.

As a plus size girl you have these feelings of invisibility to overcome in friendships, dating and career. At work you feel like odd man out at social company functions. In dating, you feel like you are always overlooked by the decent guys. And in friendships you feel like the wingwoman. As a plus size girl in LA these feelings seem intensified because even non plus size girls feel this way at times too.

This just might be something I am going through but I do know I have good people in my life and good things are happening. And as the saying goes, “This too will pass”.

 

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First Night In

November 16, 2011 at 12:45 pm (dating) (, , , , )

JS and I never did meet for coffee because he ended up being busier at work than he thought he would, so we made plans for the following night.

The plan was for him to pick up food then come to my house and we would watch a movie. This would be our first night in since we had the “no more benefits” talk. I was a little nervous as how things would go. Would it be awkward? Would there big a weird hug when he came over? How late would he stay? Would there be an accidental touch?

He let me know when he got to my place and that he was in the building. I asked him if he remembered where my unit was because I was having a moment of writing inspiration. Soon there was a knock at my door and a jiggling of the door handle. I had forgotten to unlock the door. I let him in and said, “Sorry inspiration struck. And I figured you would understand”. And of course he did. As I finished writing what was trapped in my brain he was looking at some flyers I had picked up for him at a recent book fair I was at. When I was done I walked over to him and there was no hello hug like we used to when he would come over. Instead he started taking the food out of the bag and adding alcohol into our shakes.

We sat on the couch, ate and talked. Again the conversation was easy and he was sharing more about himself. We were busy catching up on things and occasionally looking to the tv to watch the promos for new movies coming out. As we watched them we discussed which ones looked better.

I put in a DVD and we sat on the couch just watching and laughing. I made sure I didn’t get to close to him. Not that I didn’t want to because again he looked really good. I did grab a blanket at one point and shared it with him. We still didn’t get too close.

After the DVD was over he got up, went to the bathroom and said he should go. I looked at my phone and it had only been a few hours but honestly I was tired and had to be up early the next day.  I walked him out to his car and asked him what he meant by that message he had sent me a week earlier. (“I still find you just as attractive as always, just doesn’t feel right any longer to go for it. If you know what I mean, if not we can talk about it next week”.). His response, “You were being awkward”. I told him I wasn’t trying to be but he stuck to his response.

When we got to his car, we hugged an extra big hug again. I told him to let me know when he got home. He did and we sent messages back and forth for a bit more.

The first night in since the “talk” wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be, though there were a couple of moments as we were sitting on the couch.

Even though it was a good night, there are still a million different thoughts running through my head as to why things have changed. All of which continue to confuse me.

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Still Processing

November 7, 2011 at 8:50 am (dating) (, , , , , , , )

The Friday after JS got back from his trip we did go out to the movie we had talked about, The Rum Diary. I confirmed that he still wanted to go and I bought the tickets online. Since the time of the movie was earlier then we usually go, I told him I would meet him there rather than him picking me up. I knew it might be cutting it close if he came to pick me up after he was done with work. He got to the theater just a few minutes before I did and secured our seats at the bar.

When I got to the bar, JS gave me a big hug and squeezed me tight. He was happy to see me. While we were sitting at the bar he told me all about his trip including things about his family. Usually he doesn’t share that much with me about his trip. Soon it was time for us to go into the movie and since it was a 21+ showing we got a drink for inside the theater. During the movie, JS went and got us drinks two more times. Yes I was buzzing a little bit. I even got up during the movie to go to the bathroom, because well I couldn’t hold it anymore. I barely remember the walk to and from the bathroom.

We both liked the movie and decided to get some food. We decided to switch things up a bit and went to the Cheesecake Factory for appetizers. While we were there we had two appetizers and one drink, well he had a beer and I had a drink. Needless to say I was feeling pretty good. While we were there we talked about writing and movies, two of our favorite things. After we were done he paid the bill and we started walking to the car but not before I stopped at the Ben & Jerry’s store to get a pint. They didn’t have Schweddy Balls but I did discover a new flavor, Dublin Mudslide. We were joking the whole time. He drove me home, gave me a hug and even made these noises similar to what M does when we are together. It was strange because JS has never done that before.

Since we had a few drinks, I told him to let me know when he got home. After the time he should have been home I texted him because I still hadn’t heard from him. He told me there was some stuff going on at his place and forgot and apologized. Then I said, I don’t know if I should say this but you smelled and looked really good tonight. He made a comment about what I had said, then he said to me, “I still find you just as attractive as always, just doesn’t feel right any longer to go for it. If you know what I mean, if not we can talk about it next week”.

Um what? I went to bed that night very confused. If he still finds me attractive then why not sleep with me? Is he sleeping with someone else? Or does feel like he is using me and doesn’t like that? What does he mean, “It just doesn’t feel right any longer to go for it”?

On my way to an event the next morning, really feeling like Johnny Depp in The Rum Diary, I let him know I was confused. Nothing more has been said and we weren’t able to hang out this past week because our schedules didn’t match up right. For the past week I have been trying to process it all and figure it out.

We are meeting up for coffee this morning and I will be bringing it up.

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The Struggles and Making New Goals

October 20, 2011 at 8:05 pm (dating, life) (, , , , , , )

I wasn’t sure if I should write this post but figured many women could relate to what I am feeling and going through. Maybe even some men can relate.

In February, I will be celebrating a big birthday. It is not 30 or 40 but somewhere in between.  My friends and even complete strangers tell me I look young, and I still  get carded sometimes. JS and M both love that when we are out and I get carded. They love the fact that they are in their 40s and someone thinks they are out with a 20-something girl.

A few months before my birthday I usually start looking back on the year before and see what I have accomplished or what has happened. This past year has been difficult. I went into a sort of depression which I didn’t want to admit to but a doctor had asked me once “How long have you been depressed?”. It threw me off because I didn’t think I was but I was denying it. My business was suffering because of it. I had lost clients, one of them I was happy to lose, the others was were sad to lose. I had even considered moving back home.

Then I met JS and things started looking up. I also got a part time job in my building but was still struggling financially. Things have been very tight for me and I go without a lot of extras like many people are experiencing in America right now. The struggle to find a full-time or additional part-time job was getting to be so much, that I was calling mom crying a lot. And with my car dying this past March and having to rely on public transportation wasn’t making things easier.

Now it is October and I am no closer to a car. My part-time job just started me at full time and I got a dollar raise. It still isn’t a lot but will help me get caught up. I am also doing some writing on the side. It has been an extremely tough week for me especially since the stuff with JS just happening. I also have spent two days this week going to the doctor to find otu what is wrong with my arm.

The mixed emotions of this week especially has made it especially hard to think about my upcoming birthday Just trying to stay focused on school, work and the getting things ready for the upcoming NaNo.

Been listening to this song a lot lately.

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Just Friends

October 18, 2011 at 11:02 am (dating) (, , , , , )

This post is a hard one for me.  I am still processing things but as all writers know it is good to write out your thoughts. Friday JS and I planned to go out and see a movie. I had been checking to see what the seat situation was looking like to see if we should wait to buy tickets or get them online. He said we should wait. My first thought was either he was going to cancel last-minute or he wanted to pay for them.

Then an hour later he sent me a message saying he wasn’t up for “benefits” anymore but would like to continue spending time together. He said he just hasn’t been feeling it lately and thought it would pass but it hasn’t. He also left it up to me whether or not I still wanted to go out that night. He said he still wanted to.

I decided I still wanted to go out and see him. I figured I would have a few hours to let out a few tears and make myself presentable. I did ask him if it was something I did or didn’t do, it was me personally, or someone or something else. I had already felt a little self-conscious lately so you can understand my reasoning of asking him that.  He said there wasn’t much else to say other than if we continued with that part we would just be going through the motions.

In all honesty, I could tell something has been up lately. The last time he came over, there wasn’t much touching at all, though we did watch a pretty long movie. Another time he left after he dropped me off. I could tell something was up which is why at one point in the last month I did ask him if there was something he likes that I am not doing yet. I never did get an answer to that question.

We did go out Friday night and it was such a fun night. We talked about so much including things from our own high school and college days. It was things we hadn’t shared with each other yet and I learned even more about him. It was almost like we were meeting for the first time again. And while I offered to pay for things he didn’t let me. Then he drove me home, we hugged, exchanged a couple of quick kisses, said goodbye for the night and he drove off. He looked really good so it was hard for me not to hug or kiss him longer but I restrained myself.

I sent him a message later saying I know I have been through some ups and downs since we met and I appreciate him being there for me and maybe we could go see a certain movie when it comes out. He responded by saying he is glad he has helped and was looking forward to the movie.

He is away visiting his family and friends for a week. I think it is a good thing for me right now since we don’t really send messages to each other when one of us is gone and I am still trying to understand it.

It is hard for me right now because the thought of him finding benefits with someone else keeps creeping in my head and that is what sucks the most. I don’t even know if he has found someone else or is searching but I can’t get that thought out of my head.  I didn’t really even think about that when we still had “benefits”, but now that thought won’t leave.

It took talking with a few friends after I got that first message from him to realize that he could have been a jerk about it all and told me he doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore or just disappear. Both of happened to me in the past.

Instead he said he wants to continue spending time with me and enjoys it. He still wants to be a part of my life. And I would rather has him as a friend than not in my life at all.

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Am I asking too much?

October 6, 2011 at 9:14 am (dating) (, , , )

I know I haven’t posted in a while. It seems like it is trend among us dating and relationship bloggers recently. We are all going through different changes in our personal lives right now. Must have to do with the change of the weather, but don’t worry we are all back to writing now. I did have a post in mind to write but then something today so I had to write this one.

It seems to be a trend I am hearing from my single and dating female friends, the guys they are dating don’t have respect for their time nor do they make much of an effort. I have a friend who has been dating someone exclusively for three months. She is a girl who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to express that. Since she is in school and working she has limited time but makes the effort. A few times when she has asked him to do something, he just says, “I can’t”, with no real reasoning for it.

I have been having a similar issue with JS lately. We have known each other for a year now, time has just gone by. And yes I remember the ‘incident’ in March and when he said he went into this with the ‘friends with benefits’ thought. But let’s be real, I see him once a week which is more than I have seen any other friends with benefits I have ever had. We also do more than just hookup, in fact the last two times we have seen each other there has been no sexual acts of any kind, we have just enjoyed each others’ company.

Well Monday I texted him if he wanted to do something Friday night (this has been our usual night since I started my Thursday night class started). He said maybe and that he needed to check his schedule. I had a feeling this might mean he had other plans but was hoping for the best. Then Wednesday at 5 I still hadn’t heard from him so  I took matters in my own hands and texted him, I’m guessing Friday is a no go. It took him almost four hours to respond by saying, “How about next Thursday. Or are Thursdays out?”

WTF? Have we not been talking about my class for the past few weeks when we see each other. We just talked about it last week when we saw each other. And why did it take him FOUR hours to respond to me? I responded by reminding him that I have class on Thursdays. And still no response.

Why didn’t he say anything on Monday night or Tuesday letting me know he couldn’t do anything Friday? Instead I had to be the one to say something. Was he going to wait till Thursday to finally say something or just assume since I hadn’t heard anything from him that would mean he had plans? I mean my other guy friends have enough respect for me and my time to plan ahead. Even M with his crazy schedule can plan ahead and if something comes up for him, he lets me know right away.

I am starting to wonder why so many guys have such little respect for other people’s’ schedules and time. Is it too much to ask for a little communication and effort on their part?

 

And to pay tribute to Steve Jobs, a visionary man, a few quotes from his commencement address at Stanford in 2005 and yes I am writing this on my MacBook

You’ve got to find what you love and that is as true for work as it is for lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking and don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you’ve found it.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

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The True Hollywood Experience

September 5, 2011 at 9:12 am (entertainment) (, , , )

Once moving to LA you realize there is so much to do. There are tours, free movie screenings, clubs, and going to a live tv taping. I have gone to a couple before. One for the pilot episode of State of Georgia and another of The Big Bang Theory on my birthday. One Tuesday night, a friend and I went to a taping on the WB lot of a new CBS show, 2 Broke Girls. This show is the newest creation by Executive Producer of Sex and the City, Michael Patrick King. Being a broke girl myself I could relate. It stars Kat Dennings as Max and Beth Behrs as Caroline. Both of whom are very funny.

My friend and I were there early and ended up being number 7 and 8 in line. Once we went into the sound stage we were told where to sit and they sat us in the front row. We were pretty excited and I had never been in the front row before. As the crew was getting ready to start filming we noticed there were a lot of cute guys on this crew. One guy I noticed was the director because he looked like M. I mean this guy could have seriously been his twin. He did smile at me a few times.

There was another guy who was very cute and was flirting with us all night. He kept walking by and looking at us and smiling. He was also standing right in front of where we were. This guy looked like Adrian Grenier. He looked like him and even dressed like Vincent Chase.

There was an audience fluffer that kept us entertained all night. Now get your minds out of the gutter. He had people doing dances, he told jokes, made sure we were laughing while they were taping and also applauding when a scene went well. He also introduced the cast and crew as they walked by. In the episode we watched Nick Zano was in it and he was wearing glasses and looked a little like Dean McDermott. Nick looks good ladies and he is still very funny.

We were seated next to the husband and son of the writer for the episode we were watching. The writer came up to us and asked us if we wanted any food or water. We opted for water. Her husband even suggested a joke for a particular scene and MPK loved it and they used it.

This show is going to be one to watch this fall. It is very funny, edgy and tells it like it is for young broke girls. Both men and women can relate to this show. Some of the jokes they write in the show you can’t believe they are saying it but it makes it more funny.

The episode we went to was about the third or fourth one. The series premiere is Monday September 19th and you won’t want to miss it.

And if you are ever planning on visiting LA, make sure you check out a TV taping. They are so much fun.

Putting this video clip in because when we were on the lot she said, “At the WB”

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