Officially 35!

February 16, 2012 at 1:03 am (dating, life) (, , , , , , )

I have been having a hard time with this birthday. I told my friends I was going to be like Charlotte from Sex and the City and celebrate 34 again. I had a similar celebration like she did as my friends and I met up in Las Vegas last weekend. We stayed at the MGM, did a VIP Club Crawl, saw Frank Morino’s Divas of Las Vegas (which I highly recommend), ate great food, did some shopping and of course some gambling. I did win a little bit. I also got to see my cousin and her family before I left.

I guess the reason I have been having trouble is because I am not where I thought I would be at this age. I thought I would be in a long-term relationship. It has been especially hard because I have had many friends get married or have babies in the past three years. And everyone keeps saying, “Don’t worry it will happen when you least expect it”, honestly a line I am sick of hearing. It has been tough but good things have already been happening, and I have a great support system.

Today on my official birthday I can finally admit I am 35.

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The Struggles and Making New Goals

October 20, 2011 at 8:05 pm (dating, life) (, , , , , , )

I wasn’t sure if I should write this post but figured many women could relate to what I am feeling and going through. Maybe even some men can relate.

In February, I will be celebrating a big birthday. It is not 30 or 40 but somewhere in between.  My friends and even complete strangers tell me I look young, and I still  get carded sometimes. JS and M both love that when we are out and I get carded. They love the fact that they are in their 40s and someone thinks they are out with a 20-something girl.

A few months before my birthday I usually start looking back on the year before and see what I have accomplished or what has happened. This past year has been difficult. I went into a sort of depression which I didn’t want to admit to but a doctor had asked me once “How long have you been depressed?”. It threw me off because I didn’t think I was but I was denying it. My business was suffering because of it. I had lost clients, one of them I was happy to lose, the others was were sad to lose. I had even considered moving back home.

Then I met JS and things started looking up. I also got a part time job in my building but was still struggling financially. Things have been very tight for me and I go without a lot of extras like many people are experiencing in America right now. The struggle to find a full-time or additional part-time job was getting to be so much, that I was calling mom crying a lot. And with my car dying this past March and having to rely on public transportation wasn’t making things easier.

Now it is October and I am no closer to a car. My part-time job just started me at full time and I got a dollar raise. It still isn’t a lot but will help me get caught up. I am also doing some writing on the side. It has been an extremely tough week for me especially since the stuff with JS just happening. I also have spent two days this week going to the doctor to find otu what is wrong with my arm.

The mixed emotions of this week especially has made it especially hard to think about my upcoming birthday Just trying to stay focused on school, work and the getting things ready for the upcoming NaNo.

Been listening to this song a lot lately.

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Today is…

February 15, 2011 at 3:16 am (dating, life) (, , , , , , , )

…the day before my Birthday.

I don’t even think of it as Valentine’s Day because well it is the day before my birthday and I have never really gotten anything special for Valentine’s Day. Even though a few years ago I was dating someone around this time, we were fighting already, should have been the first sign that one wouldn’t have worked.

You would think that since I have been dating JS I would be excited about VDay this year, but I am not.  At the beginning of the month I started counting down to my day and even mentioned something to JS.  He asked if I updated my Amazon wish list, so I was thinking I might be getting something and that he was planning something.

Then last week, I let him know I wanted to do something with him for my birthday and he said we would figure something out. Then we planned a date for this past Friday and since he hurt himself pretty bad the week before he suggested movies and dinner in. We decided to rent some movies and get burgers and he spent the night. It was a great night and we had lots of fun. We both went to bed smiling and woke up the same way. When I walked him to his car I suggested we do something Monday night. I wasn’t suggesting we celebrate Valentine’s Day but more going out for my birthday, and he said maybe. He wished me an early Happy Birthday and then was off. Later in the day as we were texting I suggested we go to a movie on Monday, he said something about working on his writing project so I asked when are we going to celebrate my birthday.

Then there was nothing until this morning, when he said he wasn’t planning on seeing me on my actual birthday and that he kinda thought Friday would cover that and that this week is pretty busy for him. The one justification is that I am going to a taping of one of my favorite tv shows on my actual birthday and since he works he wouldn’t be able to go. But the way he said he “kinda thought Friday would cover that”, hurt. So I responded by saying, “I know that my actual birthday I am going to the taping, I just thought another day we could go to a movie. I didn’t realize that was our celebration, I did have fun though, thank you.” He said the taping should be fun and I said yeah I am going with a friend so it should be fun.

Then there was nothing again. For me the whole thing hurt because we didn’t do anything that was different from what we usually do. I felt like an idiot because of what I did for his birthday. Doing something for people you do because you want to, so I didn’t expect anything in return but even just going out even if it is us going out to a movie a day or two after.

I talked to a couple of guy friends and even one of my girlfriends and they all said that most guys suck at the birthday and holiday thing. I can see where they are coming from because JS’s bday is on a major holiday and he doesn’t get overly excited about it.

Honestly I don’t know what to think. Was there a miscommunication or is it that to him birthdays are no big deal? Am I wrong for feeling a little hurt?

(A friend of mine posted this video today on their Facebook. Seemed fitting to post in this post after what happened and how I am feeling.)

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