You know its good when…

May 4, 2012 at 5:01 pm (dating) (, , , , , , , )

…you can’t walk the next day. (Warning- this post is for adult eyes only!)

M and I had made plans to see each other on Wednesday for an early celebration of our favorite holiday, Cinco de Mayo, and also to see each other before he leaves for the next nine to ten months. We hadn’t seen each other since right after I was in the hospital and since we wouldn’t be seeing each other for the rest of the year, I knew it would be an afternoon of mixed emotions. I was feeling sad on my way there because I knew I wouldn’t see him for a while. When I saw him he had a huge smile on his face. We settled in a booth in the back, ordered our usual of margaritas and the combo fajita plate, and talked. We talked mostly about his work and then it switched to us. He told me how much he appreciates me and our friendship. He thanked me for being so understanding of his crazy schedule and always being so good to him. When he said that I thought he was going to tell me he didn’t want to see me anymore. So I told him of course I understand we have known each other for six years and if at any point I didn’t like it anymore I could have walked away.  I told him he has been a good friend too because he has seen me through some highs and lows and always listens to me when I need it. Then he told me that he thinks about me all the time. He also told me he didn’t take the job where he would be gone for the rest of the year. Instead he took one where he would only be gone for a few months and would be coming back and forth. I was one happy girl.

Then I told him I have been reading Fifty Shades of Grey. He said he has heard of it but wanted to know what it is about. I told him the story and about the relationship the two main characters have. His eyes lit up a bit. Then he started talking about different things he wants to experience with me. While we were waiting for the check he grabbed my arms and started putting his hands under the sleeves of my sweater and rubbing my arms. He was getting antsy to leave. After what seemed like forever we got our check, paid and left.

We walked next door to the hotel that has become so familiar to us. When we walked in the room, it was nothing like it had been before. He grabbed me, pulled me close and started kissing me. He wouldn’t let me go.  He apologized for being so aggressive and I told him he doesn’t have to apologize I like it. He said he is obsessed with me, in a good way of course. After what seemed like 10 minutes of making out, he let me escape to the bathroom for a minute while he poured us shots of tequila. I came out in nothing but my sweater, lacy boy short and heels. He liked what he saw, got undressed and pulled me into bed.  He continued kissing me and eventually everything but my heels were off. He pulled me on top of him and made sure I enjoyed every minute. He told me this has been building up for years. It is always good with him but something inside of him lit up because the sex was even more intense than ever. It was the best five hours ever (this of course includes our lunch and the nap we took).

Then it was time for him to leave, I gave him a hug and kiss and he was off until the next time. I went home with a smile on my face, replaying the afternoon in my head.

Thursday morning I woke up sore from the neck down and I think I pulled a muscle. Oh yes it was that good.

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Don’t Judge Me

April 10, 2012 at 8:00 am (dating) (, , , , )

Last week RC got into an argument or more I got upset with him. I saw that he was going to be performing locally so I asked him if I could get a ride home after. He said sure and might be able to get me into the gig for free and then asked if after we could hook up. We have had the discussion before about why this isn’t a good idea. I have told him before that I don’t want casual sex anymore with anyone. (I of course don’t tell him about M because he doesn’t need to know about that.) I have told him before that I want to find someone to have a relationship with and won’t be able to if I am sleeping around with people. He then tells me that we were so good together and we both have needs.

Well of course we both have needs and it is tough for me too. (And for as little I see M, trust me it is very tough for me.) He keeps trying to push the issue and in his words, “You suck”. I ask him again why he can’t understand where I am coming from and why do we keep having the same discussion. He tries to compliment me by telling me how much he enjoyed sex with me. I told him I enjoyed it too but I just can’t anymore because that is all you want, you don’t want a relationship with me.

He then said he doesn’t know why he keeps asking. My guess is he is hoping my answer will be different.

Then when I asked him if he still wanted to do lunch or something before he leaves again, he said he is trying to save money. I told him I could pay for myself but no response. Now he is gone for seven weeks. I probably won’t ever see him again because it seems every time I suggest we hang out, he wants sex and I tell him no. Then he gets upset and doesn’t want to do anything. I told him to find a girl who wants something casual.

I get that he has needs, I have them to, but don’t judge me because I want something more than ‘just casual’.

 

 

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Your Attempt at Flattery Didn’t Work

December 13, 2011 at 9:50 am (dating) (, , , , )

I have been deep into doing my final paper and studying for my final. I decided to take a break and check out my Plenty of Fish action. I emailed a couple of good-looking guys and one of them, a 29-year-old sent me a chat request. Normally I don’t like younger guys but I am being more open to it. Well this guy just turned me off from any younger guy.

After saying hi he asked what I like. When I asked him to clarify he asked if I like to make out. SERIOUSLY?? He didn’t even try to have any small talk with me, it was right away to the make out. I told him it seems like he is looking for just a hookup. He said, “I am looking for a best friend with benefit”. Sorry buddy but yes you are looking for a fuck buddy. Then I told him I am over friends with benefits. Then he said and I quote, “You haven’t had one like me. And I like older friends with benefits”.

Two things wrong with what he said. How does he know I haven’t had one like him? And I do I know he would even be worth my time? I am guessing if he has to tell me that he is really good, he probably isn’t. My psycho ex told me the same thing. And he wasn’t that great. (Why did I stay with him so long?) His next mistake was saying he likes older friends with benefits. Yes he is younger by six years but him saying that just didn’t sit right with me. He didn’t just say it once, he said it three times. I get it you like older women but when I say I am over having just friends with benefits, you aren’t making things better by reminding me that I am older. His attempt to tell me he likes older women didn’t work as he had planned.

Then when I closed the chat window he requested to chat with me again. I denied his request. He obviously didn’t catch on that I wasn’t going to be his ‘best friend with benefits’.

And people wonder why I am over dating.

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First Night In

November 16, 2011 at 12:45 pm (dating) (, , , , )

JS and I never did meet for coffee because he ended up being busier at work than he thought he would, so we made plans for the following night.

The plan was for him to pick up food then come to my house and we would watch a movie. This would be our first night in since we had the “no more benefits” talk. I was a little nervous as how things would go. Would it be awkward? Would there big a weird hug when he came over? How late would he stay? Would there be an accidental touch?

He let me know when he got to my place and that he was in the building. I asked him if he remembered where my unit was because I was having a moment of writing inspiration. Soon there was a knock at my door and a jiggling of the door handle. I had forgotten to unlock the door. I let him in and said, “Sorry inspiration struck. And I figured you would understand”. And of course he did. As I finished writing what was trapped in my brain he was looking at some flyers I had picked up for him at a recent book fair I was at. When I was done I walked over to him and there was no hello hug like we used to when he would come over. Instead he started taking the food out of the bag and adding alcohol into our shakes.

We sat on the couch, ate and talked. Again the conversation was easy and he was sharing more about himself. We were busy catching up on things and occasionally looking to the tv to watch the promos for new movies coming out. As we watched them we discussed which ones looked better.

I put in a DVD and we sat on the couch just watching and laughing. I made sure I didn’t get to close to him. Not that I didn’t want to because again he looked really good. I did grab a blanket at one point and shared it with him. We still didn’t get too close.

After the DVD was over he got up, went to the bathroom and said he should go. I looked at my phone and it had only been a few hours but honestly I was tired and had to be up early the next day.  I walked him out to his car and asked him what he meant by that message he had sent me a week earlier. (“I still find you just as attractive as always, just doesn’t feel right any longer to go for it. If you know what I mean, if not we can talk about it next week”.). His response, “You were being awkward”. I told him I wasn’t trying to be but he stuck to his response.

When we got to his car, we hugged an extra big hug again. I told him to let me know when he got home. He did and we sent messages back and forth for a bit more.

The first night in since the “talk” wasn’t as awkward as I thought it would be, though there were a couple of moments as we were sitting on the couch.

Even though it was a good night, there are still a million different thoughts running through my head as to why things have changed. All of which continue to confuse me.

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Just Friends

October 18, 2011 at 11:02 am (dating) (, , , , , )

This post is a hard one for me.  I am still processing things but as all writers know it is good to write out your thoughts. Friday JS and I planned to go out and see a movie. I had been checking to see what the seat situation was looking like to see if we should wait to buy tickets or get them online. He said we should wait. My first thought was either he was going to cancel last-minute or he wanted to pay for them.

Then an hour later he sent me a message saying he wasn’t up for “benefits” anymore but would like to continue spending time together. He said he just hasn’t been feeling it lately and thought it would pass but it hasn’t. He also left it up to me whether or not I still wanted to go out that night. He said he still wanted to.

I decided I still wanted to go out and see him. I figured I would have a few hours to let out a few tears and make myself presentable. I did ask him if it was something I did or didn’t do, it was me personally, or someone or something else. I had already felt a little self-conscious lately so you can understand my reasoning of asking him that.  He said there wasn’t much else to say other than if we continued with that part we would just be going through the motions.

In all honesty, I could tell something has been up lately. The last time he came over, there wasn’t much touching at all, though we did watch a pretty long movie. Another time he left after he dropped me off. I could tell something was up which is why at one point in the last month I did ask him if there was something he likes that I am not doing yet. I never did get an answer to that question.

We did go out Friday night and it was such a fun night. We talked about so much including things from our own high school and college days. It was things we hadn’t shared with each other yet and I learned even more about him. It was almost like we were meeting for the first time again. And while I offered to pay for things he didn’t let me. Then he drove me home, we hugged, exchanged a couple of quick kisses, said goodbye for the night and he drove off. He looked really good so it was hard for me not to hug or kiss him longer but I restrained myself.

I sent him a message later saying I know I have been through some ups and downs since we met and I appreciate him being there for me and maybe we could go see a certain movie when it comes out. He responded by saying he is glad he has helped and was looking forward to the movie.

He is away visiting his family and friends for a week. I think it is a good thing for me right now since we don’t really send messages to each other when one of us is gone and I am still trying to understand it.

It is hard for me right now because the thought of him finding benefits with someone else keeps creeping in my head and that is what sucks the most. I don’t even know if he has found someone else or is searching but I can’t get that thought out of my head.  I didn’t really even think about that when we still had “benefits”, but now that thought won’t leave.

It took talking with a few friends after I got that first message from him to realize that he could have been a jerk about it all and told me he doesn’t want to hang out with me anymore or just disappear. Both of happened to me in the past.

Instead he said he wants to continue spending time with me and enjoys it. He still wants to be a part of my life. And I would rather has him as a friend than not in my life at all.

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Another Friend with Benefits

March 21, 2011 at 9:00 am (dating) (, , , , , , )

Many of you might be wondering what happened Friday night with JS and if you read the title of this post, you already know.

I suggested we meet up at a coffee place by his work and he responded, “I got the impression you wanted to meet on neutral ground”. From that response, I was optimistic. When we saw each other he came up to me and gave me a quick kiss, we then found a place to sit and had small talk. I think he knew I was nervous about this conversation. Then he brought it up, “So flirting with a bartender?” I told him it wasn’t so much that but the fact that he was disappointed she brought up having a boyfriend. He said that is a normal response when you are flirting, and he was just telling me about his day. Then he quickly realized that telling me about that part of his day was probably not a good idea, apologized and said he should have edited that part out. He did ask me why I didn’t say something about it right away. I told him that in the past I have put up with things I shouldn’t have in the past and speaking up about things like that is new for me. I also told him I was having fun and didn’t want to ruin that. He seemed to understand.

Then he said the words I was hoping not to hear, “Friends with Benefits”. It stung even though I went there expecting things to go either way. He did keep saying he doesn’t want to do anything that will hurt or disappoint me, meaning he does care about me. He also said he really enjoys the time we spend together. After that conversation was over, he asked what I was up to the rest of the night and weekend and I asked him the same. We talked a bit more then he asked if we should head out. I suggested going somewhere to eat. He did try to joke and said we should probably not go to the bar/restaurant where that bartender works as she might be working. I just laughed and said probably not a good idea. We went to a nice wine restaurant he had been to before. The food, drinks, and conversation was good even though I was quiet at times. When the check came I pulled out my wallet and he suggest we split the bill. He did say he was going to put the tip on his check.

He walked me back to my car and kissed me for a bit before saying goodbye.

As you might have guessed, I called my mom and told her what happened. As I was pulling into my building, I just lost it. Mom stayed on the phone with me and tried to calm me down. It was a rough night and I even got sick. A big part of it was trying to understand why I constantly the friend with benefits and not the girlfriend. I texted JB to tell him what happened and he told me I need to focus on me and my career. I did lash out at JB a little bit and said that he is also someone that doesn’t want me as a girlfriend. I quickly apologized for being pissy and he said he understands.

Its been a quiet relaxing weekend for me and my friends have been great in making me feel better and making sure I am okay. While getting some things for a client’s party on Tuesday, I picked up something for myself, a great pair of Steve Maddens.

Now like my mom said, “You have to decide what you want to do”.  I’m still trying to figure that out.

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Sexting is just not for teens

June 13, 2010 at 7:54 pm (dating, life) (, , , )

[tweetmeme= “ljmaggie.wordpress”]

We have all heard how popular sexting is with teens, but sexting is even more common with adults, specifically in 30 year olds. Many of my friends and I text more than we talk with each other on the phone. It is a quick and easy way to send a message, especially when you don’t have to much to say.

The crush and I (both of us in our 30s, one of us closer to 40), not only text but occasionally sext each other. Since he travels all the time for work it keeps things interesting and builds anticipation until the next time we see each other. We never go into great detail but sometimes we text about the last time we were together or even what we want to do the next time. Come to think about it, we barely talk to each other on the phone, even when he is in town.

I know of a couple of friends that sext their significant other or their “friend with benefits” from time to time. I have sexted “friends with benefits” in the past. Obviously I don’t anymore because of things with the crush.

I don’t see anything wrong with sexting. I don’t send naughty pictures through a text as you never know whose hands they might end up in. I do trust those I have sexted in the past and even the crush but you never know. What if their phone is lost or even gets stolen. Yes I am a little paranoid that way.

So don’t be afraid of it, embrace sexting. It is very hot and fun. If you haven’t sexted before, though I am sure most of you have, read this article about the tips of sexting for adults.

http://singlemindedwomen.com/women-relationships/sexting-tips-for-adults/

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