You know its good when…

May 4, 2012 at 5:01 pm (dating) (, , , , , , , )

…you can’t walk the next day. (Warning- this post is for adult eyes only!)

M and I had made plans to see each other on Wednesday for an early celebration of our favorite holiday, Cinco de Mayo, and also to see each other before he leaves for the next nine to ten months. We hadn’t seen each other since right after I was in the hospital and since we wouldn’t be seeing each other for the rest of the year, I knew it would be an afternoon of mixed emotions. I was feeling sad on my way there because I knew I wouldn’t see him for a while. When I saw him he had a huge smile on his face. We settled in a booth in the back, ordered our usual of margaritas and the combo fajita plate, and talked. We talked mostly about his work and then it switched to us. He told me how much he appreciates me and our friendship. He thanked me for being so understanding of his crazy schedule and always being so good to him. When he said that I thought he was going to tell me he didn’t want to see me anymore. So I told him of course I understand we have known each other for six years and if at any point I didn’t like it anymore I could have walked away.  I told him he has been a good friend too because he has seen me through some highs and lows and always listens to me when I need it. Then he told me that he thinks about me all the time. He also told me he didn’t take the job where he would be gone for the rest of the year. Instead he took one where he would only be gone for a few months and would be coming back and forth. I was one happy girl.

Then I told him I have been reading Fifty Shades of Grey. He said he has heard of it but wanted to know what it is about. I told him the story and about the relationship the two main characters have. His eyes lit up a bit. Then he started talking about different things he wants to experience with me. While we were waiting for the check he grabbed my arms and started putting his hands under the sleeves of my sweater and rubbing my arms. He was getting antsy to leave. After what seemed like forever we got our check, paid and left.

We walked next door to the hotel that has become so familiar to us. When we walked in the room, it was nothing like it had been before. He grabbed me, pulled me close and started kissing me. He wouldn’t let me go.  He apologized for being so aggressive and I told him he doesn’t have to apologize I like it. He said he is obsessed with me, in a good way of course. After what seemed like 10 minutes of making out, he let me escape to the bathroom for a minute while he poured us shots of tequila. I came out in nothing but my sweater, lacy boy short and heels. He liked what he saw, got undressed and pulled me into bed.  He continued kissing me and eventually everything but my heels were off. He pulled me on top of him and made sure I enjoyed every minute. He told me this has been building up for years. It is always good with him but something inside of him lit up because the sex was even more intense than ever. It was the best five hours ever (this of course includes our lunch and the nap we took).

Then it was time for him to leave, I gave him a hug and kiss and he was off until the next time. I went home with a smile on my face, replaying the afternoon in my head.

Thursday morning I woke up sore from the neck down and I think I pulled a muscle. Oh yes it was that good.

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The Awkward Night

April 27, 2012 at 8:45 am (dating, life) (, , , , )

The day before JS came over for dinner night in I asked him why someone that much younger. At first he said he hadn’t thought about it and asked me, “Why does it bother you for some reason?” Umm F*ck yes it does, is what I really wanted to say but instead I told him I was just curious and that I have another guy friend who is dating someone 12 years younger than himself (this is true). JS told me he hadn’t thought about it but he finds that 40-something women don’t want to date. I almost had to laugh when I got that message. What 40-something women is he talking to? Obviously not single ones. So I asked him if he meant more casual dating. Honestly that is what I was thinking he meant but he said, “Not necessarily, just in general”.  Then I said I am sure there are some and even older 30-somethings that do but as long as you are happy. After that I switched to talking about what time he was coming over the next day.

That Friday he came over and things were awkward. I didn’t notice it right away but as the night went on I did. It wasn’t anything he said or did, it was the fact he wasn’t saying much of anything. We had dinner, he took the plates into the kitchen and when we were ready for dessert, he plated it up and served it. We watched a movie and then watched one of the TV shows I have on DVD. He asked me about a couple of characters on the show and we even laughed a bit. There was one instance when his phone vibrated but he took it out of his pocket, turned it off and put it back in his pocket.  When he went to leave I gave him a hug like I usually do and he was weird about that. He even hesitated a bit before he walked out the door.

I thought about it more after he left and asked him if everything was okay because he was so quiet.An hour and a half later he finally responding he said he was okay but it is frustrating getting a question like that while he was on his way home and wouldn’t it be better to ask him that before he left or the next time I see him. I told him I wasn’t trying to frustrate him and I thought about it after he left. Then no response all weekend.

That Monday I asked him if he ever got a call about the item he lost when we went to the amusement park and also about the midnight showing of an upcoming movie. He told me he is pretty busy these days and if I wanted to make other plans that was okay. So I suggested going sometime over opening weekend and also asked him if actually meant he didn’t have time to go with me at all. He told me he would let me know but pretty sure the midnight showing was a no-go. Okay why didn’t he say that in the first place. Why all of the beating around the bush? Then I told him it was good I asked him that question on Friday because it sounds like I won’t see him for a while. No response. I was able to find someone to go with me for opening weekend of the movie and told JS that the next day. Again no response.

After talking with friends about it I got a few thoughts on what is going on: there is trouble in paradise with the new girl, he wanted to talk to me about something or he wanted to start something with me.

It has been close to two weeks of no communication.

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14 years younger

April 12, 2012 at 9:00 am (dating) (, , , )

On Saturday JS and I went to a local amusement park. Since it was Spring Break it meant spending a good part of the day standing in line. Since we hadn’t seen each other in a couple of weeks, we talked a lot about writing, family, movies and of course the rides. It was a great day and the longest we have spent together in months. (And yes we are still just friends.)

Since we had so much fun that day, on Monday I asked him if he would like to do dinner in, either order in or I cook, and watch a movie sometime this week. He said sure and suggested Thursday or Friday. I immediately said Friday. He said he would have to check his schedule as he has started seeing someone and his schedule isn’t as open. Now I sort of had a feeling he was seeing someone because on Saturday while we were talking about a movie he said he went to go see it, which I thought was strange because when I had mentioned the movie weeks before it sounded like he had no desire to see it. I had also asked him if he got talked into it and he said yes. Normally when he gets talked into a movie by his friends he will mention their names, this time he did not.

So I told him I had a feeling he was seeing someone but wasn’t sure then asked how long it has been. He told me about a month and taking it as it goes. I then asked how they met. He told me they me met at work which is tricky. Well naturally because dating someone you work with is not always ideal. My next thought was she must be closer to his age, (JS and I are nine years apart.), so I asked him. He said no she is 30. WTF? I honestly felt like someone had stabbed me in the stomach. It wasn’t because he started seeing someone, though that didn’t help, it was the fact that this girl is 14 years younger than him. I told him I was even more confused because she is even younger than me but quickly apologized for that statement. He seemed to understand. I told him if he doesn’t have time for me, it would suck because I don’t want to lose him as a friend, but I would understand. He told me us being friends would never change no matter if he is seeing someone or whom and he would spare me further details. I told him it is fine, I would just need a day to process and figure out why not me. It was a valid point and I asked him if it was something I did or didn’t do or something I said or didn’t say. He said there is no such thing to have or not have it is way more complicated and confusing than that but it can feel that way.

Umm yeah it is way more confusing. What does this 30-year-old have that I don’t? Granted when I was 30 I had been separated from my ex for little over a year, M and I had known each other a year(he is 10 years older than me and we weren’t dating but for a reason other than age), and I had just gotten out of a relationship with someone who was six years older than me. So I had been through quite a bit but I couldn’t imagine dating someone 14 years older than me. In my twenties I dated someone who was 12 years older than me but even that was more of a just a casual thing.

And on his side, what does he have in common with this girl? There are things from his childhood that he talks about that sometimes I don’t even know about or remember. It’s all so weird to me.

The even weirder thing is he said we can do dinner night in on Friday. Shouldn’t he be going out on a date with his new woman on Friday night and not doing dinner night in with a friend? I’m not complaining though.

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Don’t Judge Me

April 10, 2012 at 8:00 am (dating) (, , , , )

Last week RC got into an argument or more I got upset with him. I saw that he was going to be performing locally so I asked him if I could get a ride home after. He said sure and might be able to get me into the gig for free and then asked if after we could hook up. We have had the discussion before about why this isn’t a good idea. I have told him before that I don’t want casual sex anymore with anyone. (I of course don’t tell him about M because he doesn’t need to know about that.) I have told him before that I want to find someone to have a relationship with and won’t be able to if I am sleeping around with people. He then tells me that we were so good together and we both have needs.

Well of course we both have needs and it is tough for me too. (And for as little I see M, trust me it is very tough for me.) He keeps trying to push the issue and in his words, “You suck”. I ask him again why he can’t understand where I am coming from and why do we keep having the same discussion. He tries to compliment me by telling me how much he enjoyed sex with me. I told him I enjoyed it too but I just can’t anymore because that is all you want, you don’t want a relationship with me.

He then said he doesn’t know why he keeps asking. My guess is he is hoping my answer will be different.

Then when I asked him if he still wanted to do lunch or something before he leaves again, he said he is trying to save money. I told him I could pay for myself but no response. Now he is gone for seven weeks. I probably won’t ever see him again because it seems every time I suggest we hang out, he wants sex and I tell him no. Then he gets upset and doesn’t want to do anything. I told him to find a girl who wants something casual.

I get that he has needs, I have them to, but don’t judge me because I want something more than ‘just casual’.

 

 

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The Scare, Excitement and Disappointment

March 26, 2012 at 4:20 pm (dating, life) (, , , , , )

I realize that I haven’t posted since my birthday last month and a few things have happened since then.

School has been busy, my screenwriting class is exciting and we had to turn in our short outline/pitch for our screenplay idea. The idea is visually forming in my head which makes it exciting. I also met someone and we had two dates, even though after each one I was wondering if he liked me or not. I could be honest with him and found out he is just very shy.

Then the big scare happened. I was coming back from school and a quick run to Target and my chest started to hurt. I though maybe it was from carrying my backpack and shopping back or even heartburn. I spent the night relaxing and even had a healthy salad for dinner. The pain was not lessening at all and spread into my right armpit and neck. Now I was getting worried. I called the on-call nurse and she recommended I call 911. The paramedics came, ran some tests and asked if I wanted to go to the hospital. I decided it is better to be safe than sorry. I went in, they did lab work and x-rays but couldn’t find anything. I also went in for the fun treadmill stress test and everything there was good. Doctor has said everything was fine and just might have been stress or exhaustion.

I did get to see M before he possibly leaves for the next nine months. It was good to see him after the big scare because it made me feel even better.

Then that guy I went on two dates with, cancelled on me 45 minutes before we were supposed to meet up for our third date. He told me he just wasn’t feeling it and apologized. I made sure to tell him it was pretty crappy to cancel on me with such short notice and he should have said something sooner. He said he just wanted friendship. But I haven’t talked to him since and have no plans to.

The even bigger news is I will be having a new website coming soon. My graphic designer just finished my logo and it looks great.  Let me know what you think!

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The Good, The Bad and The Interesting

January 31, 2012 at 5:24 pm (dating) (, , , , )

When I started this blog it was not long after a bad relationship. The person had tore me down lower than I ever thought possible. Since then I have been on good dates and some really bad dates.

A couple of weeks ago I had a bad, an interesting and a good date. Two of the dates are guys I started talking to from Plentyoffish.com and the other was JS.

The first date was bad. The guy got to the outdoor mall we were meeting at a few minutes before I got there. When I arrived he hadn’t figured out a restaurant for us to go to. He did bring me purple lilies which was sweet and I told him. We decided on The Cheesecake Factory and the food was good. The conversation was okay. I could tell he was a bit nervous and well I wasn’t really that interested in him. After dinner we walked to our next stop, mini golf. As we were walking there he told me that he has been on the site for six months and I am the first who has agreed to go out with him. I started to feel a little bad for him but he kept saying it over and over and thanking me. I was getting turned off because he didn’t stop talking about it. We played mini golf and arcade games. Then on the way to my bus stop (yes I’m still without a car), he was saying again about how happy he was I agreed to go out with him. When I found out the bus I wanted to take was not leaving for another 15 minutes he said, “Good more precious time to spend with you”.  It was a just a little much for me after one date. Days later I sent him a message saying with everything going on with my family I am not up for dating.

The second date of the week was POF guy number two, the interesting date. We met up at a bar/restaurant. We sat at the bar, ordered beer and food and talked. He was a nice guy, good looking and likes sports. Already things were going good until the check came. He told the bartender to run the card he gave her when we sat down. She ran it and then asked him if he had a different card. He was embarrased and started to check his bank balance on his phone. After scrolling through his phone he showed me that he didn’t have enough to pay the bill. REALLY? How do you not know how much money you have in your account? He then said he remembered he bought gas earlier. Again REALLY? So then we had to split the check but he insisted on paying the tip. I was not happy. He kept apologizing and telling me he wants to make it up to me. We walked around a bit and then there was the kiss. It wasn’t one of those where the moment was there and it happened. It was us walking next to each other, we stopped and he pulled me towards him. It was a little awkward. I let him drive me home and we kissed again. Still a little awkward.

The third date was dinner and a movie with JS. So I guess it isn’t really wasn’t a date since JS and I are just friends, but it was the best one of the week. And when he drove me home, he gave me a hug and a quick kiss on the lips. The kiss threw me off because we haven’t even been close to doing that in months.

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No I Don’t Want to be Your Mistress

December 15, 2011 at 9:55 am (dating) (, , , , , , )

The final paper for my class has turned out to be a little tougher than I originally thought it would be. So I took another break last night to check my Plenty of Fish messages. There were a few from a couple of guys I had already been exchanging messages with. Then there was a new one, from a 43-year-old guy with no picture on his profile. I didn’t think this was a red flag, so I read the message from him. He started by giving me a physical description of himself, where he lives, what he does for a living and then says, “Married but no sex life (:”. The rest of the message is telling me he likes curvey (that is how he spelled it) girls and thinks I look hot in one of my pictures.

I then was curious what his profile said. The longest relationship he has been in was over 5 years, well obviously he is married. He lists his marital status as single and he has children. He also says that he wants to make a million dollars a year, loves to spoil people and loves giving massages. His physical description on his profile says he is caucasian but in the email he sent me he said he is mediterranean looking. I am open to dating other races but don’t lie about what you are. Be proud of who you are.

His profile is filled with lies. So I confronted him about it. I sent him a message saying I was confused because in his email he told me he is married but his profile says he is single and looking for a relationship. I also told him it sounds like he is just looking for fling.

His response, “I want to get to know somebody sexy, I am married and looking for somebody exciting”.

I sent him a message saying I think he is on the wrong site if he is looking for someone on the side. I also told him I am not interested in being someone’s mistress. I wished him luck in his search.

This guy really needs to be on Ashley Madison if he is looking for an affair. Doesn’t he realize he probably won’t find what he is looking for on a dating site. Who knows maybe he will find someone on POF that will indulge him. I won’t be that person.

The other OMG moment on POF is when I saw my psycho ex as someone they recommend I chat with. I looked at his profile to see if he was still trying to lure women in by telling them he is a doctor. He doesn’t come right out and say it but as his profession he lists, Business/Medical. Oh I am sure he is still telling girls he was an OB/GYN.

Back to studying for my final tonight!

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Don’t Cancel on Me…

December 4, 2011 at 10:42 pm (dating) (, , , , )

…unless you have a very, very good reason. After JS and I had the talk in March and he told me he thought of us as friends with benefits, he tried to cancel on me twice. One time he told me he got a text about a birthday party he ought to go to and wanted to know if we could go out the day before we had planned.  He told me this two days before we were to go out. I told him I had plans, which I did. He ended up keeping the plans with me and not going to the birthday party. The second time, he told me he had been sick all day and was going to go home and rest. He texted me this at the time he was to be leaving work and heading to my place to pick me up. The worst part was we had been texting three hours prior to that and he never said anything about being sick.

Then there is today. We had originally planned to go to an event on Saturday. It was all planned and then Friday afternoon I got an email from the event planners saying they had to postpone the event until sometime next year, due to weather and power outages. There was no getting around it. I let JS know and suggested we do something else during that time. I threw out some suggestions and he said he should go into work but suggested we do one of my suggestions, bowling, on Sunday afternoon. He said he would come pick me up. I was looking forward to Sunday afternoon because not only has it been a while since we have done something on a Sunday but also because we haven’t been bowling since the second week of knowing each other. I got everything I needed to get done and was relaxing while watching football until I had to get ready. Two hours before he was to pick me up he texted me saying he got a text reminding him he had made prior plans to visit friends, apologized for being flaky and suggested going on Wednesday night.

My response, “I don’t know, I was looking forward to today and didn’t make any other plans.” Then I told him I couldn’t go that night because I have a long day the following day. Then he suggested tomorrow night or Tuesday night. I told him I didn’t know and would let him know later. He said, “K”.  Still pissed I told him I couldn’t on Monday night and not sure about Tuesday night. (And yes I really do have plans Monday night.) Then I told him, “Just sucks because you suggested Sunday”. No response.

I am not really shocked there is no response from him. He doesn’t like the confrontation or arguing. The major confrontation we had was back in March and that really wasn’t much. It just turned into having the conversation. I never really said anything about the last time he canceled last-minute mostly because he was sick. This time I felt I needed to. I needed to because I wanted him to know it wasn’t cool to cancel last-minute but also because he is the one that suggested the day and now he is telling me he forgot he had other plans. Why didn’t he look at his calendar to make sure before suggesting the day? When our Saturday plans got canceled, I suggested Friday night or Sunday. He is the one that said Sunday and even picked the time. It wasn’t me. And honestly as of right now I don’t even feel like telling him Tuesday will be okay.

Was I wrong to say something?

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Invisible

November 29, 2011 at 9:31 pm (dating, life) (, , , , )

I have contemplated writing this post for a couple of months. The main reason for the hesitation is because it might upset some people. If you ask anyone that knows me, I am not a person that likes to upset others. But there is this feeling that hasn’t been going away and I have a feeling there are others who have felt the same way at some point.

It is the invisible feeling. That feeling you get when your friends get either a new job or new love interest. All of a sudden that friend doesn’t have as much time for you as they did before. You don’t say anything to your friend because you are happy for them. But then you start to feel like the friend who is just kept around when there is nothing else to do. I have confronted a friend about this in the past. When I told her she said, “I didn’t realize it and I’m so sorry”, and she was. We did hang out once after that. Since then she has been working full-time, going to school full-time and caring for her mother. We do still talk when we can.

Still there are other friends that might not realize that you feel this way and you don’t say anything because you don’t want to upset them. And you are truly happy for their new situation. When they do talk to you, they do listen and if there is a problem you are having they try to be there for you, but it just upsets you more. Mostly because you think they don’t truly understand what you are going through even though they say they do.

As a plus size girl you have these feelings of invisibility to overcome in friendships, dating and career. At work you feel like odd man out at social company functions. In dating, you feel like you are always overlooked by the decent guys. And in friendships you feel like the wingwoman. As a plus size girl in LA these feelings seem intensified because even non plus size girls feel this way at times too.

This just might be something I am going through but I do know I have good people in my life and good things are happening. And as the saying goes, “This too will pass”.

 

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Still Processing

November 7, 2011 at 8:50 am (dating) (, , , , , , , )

The Friday after JS got back from his trip we did go out to the movie we had talked about, The Rum Diary. I confirmed that he still wanted to go and I bought the tickets online. Since the time of the movie was earlier then we usually go, I told him I would meet him there rather than him picking me up. I knew it might be cutting it close if he came to pick me up after he was done with work. He got to the theater just a few minutes before I did and secured our seats at the bar.

When I got to the bar, JS gave me a big hug and squeezed me tight. He was happy to see me. While we were sitting at the bar he told me all about his trip including things about his family. Usually he doesn’t share that much with me about his trip. Soon it was time for us to go into the movie and since it was a 21+ showing we got a drink for inside the theater. During the movie, JS went and got us drinks two more times. Yes I was buzzing a little bit. I even got up during the movie to go to the bathroom, because well I couldn’t hold it anymore. I barely remember the walk to and from the bathroom.

We both liked the movie and decided to get some food. We decided to switch things up a bit and went to the Cheesecake Factory for appetizers. While we were there we had two appetizers and one drink, well he had a beer and I had a drink. Needless to say I was feeling pretty good. While we were there we talked about writing and movies, two of our favorite things. After we were done he paid the bill and we started walking to the car but not before I stopped at the Ben & Jerry’s store to get a pint. They didn’t have Schweddy Balls but I did discover a new flavor, Dublin Mudslide. We were joking the whole time. He drove me home, gave me a hug and even made these noises similar to what M does when we are together. It was strange because JS has never done that before.

Since we had a few drinks, I told him to let me know when he got home. After the time he should have been home I texted him because I still hadn’t heard from him. He told me there was some stuff going on at his place and forgot and apologized. Then I said, I don’t know if I should say this but you smelled and looked really good tonight. He made a comment about what I had said, then he said to me, “I still find you just as attractive as always, just doesn’t feel right any longer to go for it. If you know what I mean, if not we can talk about it next week”.

Um what? I went to bed that night very confused. If he still finds me attractive then why not sleep with me? Is he sleeping with someone else? Or does feel like he is using me and doesn’t like that? What does he mean, “It just doesn’t feel right any longer to go for it”?

On my way to an event the next morning, really feeling like Johnny Depp in The Rum Diary, I let him know I was confused. Nothing more has been said and we weren’t able to hang out this past week because our schedules didn’t match up right. For the past week I have been trying to process it all and figure it out.

We are meeting up for coffee this morning and I will be bringing it up.

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